Cloth Diapers: A Threat to Women’s Independence?
Am I the Tie That Binds?
I was all set to site down and write a blog post about swim diapers. After the “Poo in the Pool” fiasco of Memorial Day during which our local pool was closed for an hour, in 90 plus degree weather, due to an unfortunate disposable swim diaper that did not work, I was fired up and ready to write. Just buy a reusuable swim diaper. Imse Vimse are good. They work. They don’t inconvenience your neighbors. They are cheaper in the long run and better for the environment. Plus, they are cute! I had it all planned out. Then, I sat down and read the Sunday NYT Styles section…..
In the Sunday NYT section, tucked away behind an article on the gorgeous, classy Iman, the Gore’s marriage implosion, and the tall lady from Glee marrying a woman from my alma mater, was an article about a French Intellectual (their term, not mine) who opines that some of the tools of motherhood that I espouse, cloth diapers, breastfeeding, natural childbirth, are just chains that are keeping women from achieving their full potential. Elisabeth Badinter, as she outlines in Conflict: The Woman and the Mother (Le Conflit: la femme et la mere) believes that the advances of modern times, disposable diapers, the plastic (now BPA-free glass) bottle and epidurals which were designed to help free women and keep them independent and liberated are being discarded in favor of greener, more eco-friendly, and she would say, harder choices. Choices that are rolling back years of feminist advances in favor of a lifestyle that chains women to motherhood.
So, as you can see, not what I wanted to read on a happy, peaceful, Sunday morning. Mommy Wars a la Francais. Unlike the US based Mommy Wars which seem to focus mostly on the Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom dynamic, this was all about the movement toward a greener, cleaner lifestyle. She classifies the heightened eco-awareness amongst many of today’s moms (and dads!) as just a passing fad and one, that left unchecked, is going to derail decades of advances for women.
After I got over my initial anger and frustration at what I believe to be this woman’s limited point of view, I guess I understood a bit of what she was saying. Yes, women are making different choices than perhaps their mothers would have made. I can see how the women who blazed the trail for working women (moms or not) would be upset or frustrated that so many who follow are choosing different paths and perhaps not fully appreciating their struggles and sacrifices. But, isn’t this okay? Isnt the beauty of where we are in society that it is okay that we have a choice? Bottles might allow women to return to work sooner but breastfeeding is cheaper and easier for many (not all, as my own experience would attest). Cloth diapers are better for the environment and our pocket books. So many live their lives in a medicated state, isn’t it okay and rather cool that some (once again, not all, as my crash C-section would attest) choose to experience a major life event drug free and clear? Why are these things bad?
I do agree somewhat with one point she makes. That we, as a society, have idealized what the “perfect” mom does (cloth, breastfeed for 12 months or more, natural childbirth) and those who opt to not do these things or, even worse, try and cannot succeed in doing these things are left feeling like a failure. As if they did not check off all the “Good Mommy” boxes and are not as dedicated as the moms who do. So, what do you think? Are women who choose cloth and breastfeeding and natural childbirth rolling back decades of feminist advances? By making these choices are we reducing our freedom and limiting our professional options? Are the women who choose to not incorporate these elements into their parenting portfolio “Imperfect?” Or, in the end, is the “Perfect” mom one who loves her child and does the best she can in her own individual way taking into account her own, individual circumstances?
by Amanda On November 16, 2010 at 1:02 am
I think about this topic a lot. I’m not sure how long your article has been up but I would like to share my opinion with you. First of all thank you for putting into words what many woman think about, it is a very good question that you pose. What is it to be a Perfect mother. In my opinion the perfect mother is the one that loves and cares for her child. That would seem to be the obvious choice, it is sad that we have to continue to remind our self’s of this. I think were the divide comes is from woman comparing themselves to other mothers. As a mother we often feel inadequacy or unsure about our choices and decisions. We work hard and our efforts are often unrecognized. Besides no one comes in everyday and tells you how great of a job you just did diapering your child. It is a selfless act to be a mother. But some woman need to feel that their choices are the correct ones and so they seek out others that have the same values. Looking for support and the proof they need that they are normal and doing a good job. Their is nothing wrong with this. The problem I think is when we begin to shame other mothers for not making the same choices that we do. Only because we are so certain that our choices make us a great mother. simply its an act of insecurity in the woman. if we would only realize that we are all mothers with our unique child, and unique lives. That we are all good mothers and deserve support no matter what our views are. I am not a mother that cloth diapers, my daughter was formula fed, i was unable to breastfeed like I wanted, I had a natural birth in a hospital, i am pro vaccine and anti circumcision. My own reasons are my own. But I face criticism in a cloth diaper world. I take this reaction as an intolerance and only wish the best for these woman. Being different should be rewarded. But that would be a perfect world that we lived in.